It’s a superb factor that Australia is all the best way on the opposite aspect of the planet as a result of my worst nightmare is one way or the other getting blended up within the World Bare Bike Journey:
The World Bare Bike Journey combines the 2 issues I imagine individuals shouldn’t flaunt publicly: their exuberance, and their genitals. Positive, there’s a time and a spot for each, however I shouldn’t need to take care of both of them on my strategy to work. Nonetheless, some individuals really feel fairly in another way, and so they relish being surrounded by a bunch fellow riders whose ass cheeks are indistinguishable from their saddlebags:
The concept of World Bare Bike Journey contributors attempting vigorously and vainly to wipe issues off of one another’s faces and different physique components is now going to hang-out my desires.
In fact, that is Australia, so whereas the contributors gained’t be sporting garments, they are going to be sporting helmets:
It appears to me when you actually wished to make some extent about liberating cyclists from the tyranny of fossil fuels and the motorized vehicle industrial complicated you’d have a World Helmetless Bike Journey. It doesn’t even make sense from a security perspective, as a result of when you’re going to fall off your bike, which might you reasonably be sporting: a helmet, or pants? “Positive, I’ve obtained a saddle sore the scale of a cantaloupe on my scranus and street rash alongside your entire size of my penis, however thank goodness I used to be sporting a helmet!” However I assume individuals in Australia are so deeply conditioned that they will journey round bare and in helmets with out experiencing any cognitive dissonance.
And talking of saddle sores, why drag the poor harmless bicycle into this disgusting mess, anyway? Wouldn’t the best automobile for driving bare be an e-scooter?
I’m not an enormous fan of them myself, however objectively talking there’s actually no higher contraption for bare driving, because you get most visibility and minimal crotchal chafing, to not point out glorious airflow round and thru your undercarriage.
However after all the World Bare Bike Journey isn’t about sensible issues, it’s about “desexualizing the human physique:”
Hey, how’s that figuring out for you, Australia?
And don’t neglect a very powerful consideration in any respect–the local weather!
The conspiracy needs to be apparent to anybody who’s learn the most recent Trek Sustainability Report:
Do you know they’re portray their bikes with natural supplies now?
Their emblem is even produced from “biomass waste:”
Right here’s what biomass waste means:
World Bare Bike Journey? Physique paint? Paint produced from biomass waste?!?
ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION NOW???
That’s proper, inside 5 years the biking trade goes to cast off clothes altogether. As an alternative, you’ll journey bare, and so they’ll promote you a can of manure and sewage sludge to color your self with earlier than the large journey. Possibly it’ll even include an entire banana peel you need to use as a chamois.
However let’s not lose sight of the truth that the largest supply of Trek’s emissions isn’t the paint, or the clothes, and even the helmets. It’s the bicycles themselves:
Appears fairly clear to me that Trek ought to cease making bikes.
